Although I hated Reeve’s commentary, he did at least have some semblence of a sense of humour. Alec Stewart, cricketing-hero of mine that he is, alas has not. He hasn’t the dry wit of Benaud; the rudeness of Boycott; the fake-glamour of Mark Nicholas or the charm of Atherton. He’s really bloody dull, and on your screens all summer folks! Expect plenty of “Well, at the end of the day,” “To be honest,” “ballpark score,” “absolutely,” or any other equally pointless cliche.
As I just mentioned, and I don’t know his name, but this South African commentator really takes the piss. I’m picky when it comes to radio and TV commentary: I want information, but not too much. I want humour, but not too much. I do not want crap, and I do not want commentators who sound like they’ve been to media school – this guy makes Tony Blackburn seem dull.
Therefore, I propose the following alternate voices – from past and present – who could do a better job, and lighten the mood. I’m assuming each one has indepth knowledge of the great game, even though none/few do.
Margaret Thatcher: imagine those husky, oddly masculine tones as she describes a Vaughan cover drive
Dalek: imitating, not replacing, Richie Benaud’s infamous “choo for chwenty choo” (TWO. FOR. TWEN. TEA. TWO)
Tony Blackburn: well why not? Can hardly do anyone worse than Saffer Safferson above.
Scooby/Scrappy Doo: Yikes! It’s a Six, scoobs!
Winston Churchill: “They shall fight on the pavillion roof. They shall fight in the canteen. They shall fight at the wicket, on the boundary, and McGrath will never be surrendered too”
Robert DeNiro: “Are you talkin’ to me?” as Henry Blofeld offers him some cake
This could go on for a bit…so I’ll stop there