Goodbye summer. Hello summer

Damn all press releases. Damn them all. It’s October and already Durham have offered their tickets for next summer’s internationals. It’s all too fast – slow down. Admittedly I’ve had a forgettable day and am even more cranky than usual, but this is just daft. It’s CONKER SEASON YOU FOOLS.

Reminds me of my former life in the NHS when the “Christmas menu” would be sent round…in about bloody April. And they never offered bread sauce, either.

4-0!

Gee, it feels good to be an Australian fan right now. All I wanted for Christmas was a whitewash. I’m not as sure as the media are that I’ll get it, mind you.

Despite everything that has transpired in this tour, I still have a lot of respect for the abilities of this England side. Obviously, I feel that man for man, the Australian team is better. However, England have shown enough on this tour that if they get their act together, they have enough class to win the Fifth Test, especially against a complacent Australia.

There’s nothing like seeing the old Enemy get hammered though. Enough of this rubbish about close series, I say. Norm Geras puts it best:

I’ve been struck by how many people have suggested to me that, even as an Australian supporter, I might have preferred to see a more closely fought series. Yeah, right. Like the time I was at Old Trafford in February 2001 and we’re beating Arsenal 5-0 at half time. Wasn’t I just thinking, ‘Oh damn, I wish it was 1-1, so that there was still a fight on to win the game’? Actually no, I wasn’t thinking that.

Cricket, all by its wonderful self, produces a whole variety of situations, and I find myself able to take pleasure in that variety. The close fought contest does have its appeal; and so, too, does the decisive triumph against a long-standing adversary. (And if there are England supporters who wouldn’t absolutely love to be 4-0 up against Australia with only one left to play, I’d like to meet them.)

Yep. I’m sure if the scores were reversed, there’d be plenty of English fans telling me ALL about it.

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas to all. I’m away for a bit so blogging will be sporadic and drunken. Me and Martin are covering the fourth Test at Melbourne so I’ll stick some holding pieces up here then.

T’ra.

Christmas limericks with a cricket theme

I know it’s not yet Christmas but quite honestly I’m already in the spirit. I went shopping today which, somehow, was a success. I bought things and even resisted the temptation to buy needlessly expensive things for myself which a) I don’t really want b) don’t need and c) will never use beyond next week. Success…apart from the dolled-up Sloany mothers ramming their designer pushchairs into my ankles. I tend to react quite strongly when that happens, especially when they refuse to apologise. See? Christmas spirit alive and kicking in Will’s world.

So it’s time for another Christmas limerick. It should ideally be funny and clever and have a cricket theme interwoven. Go on, have a go. If you can’t work cricket into it, no matter. Here’s your starting line

It’s Christmas two thousand and six…

See last years and tips on what the boggins a limerick is and how it works.

An Ashes Christmas Carol

Gather round, boys and girls, and let dear old Uncle Scott tell you a cricket story. This especially goes out to all you smartarses out there that think this series is over bar the shouting.

Once upon a time, there was a country called England. They played cricket, but they weren’t very good at it, and they hardly ever got to have the Ashes. But eventually, they gave the captaincy of their cricket side to a hardcase Yorkshireman, and after a very tight home series, the Ashes were regained at the Oval, and there was much rejoicing through the land.

Needless to say, the Australians weren’t very happy about this state of affairs, and later in the next year, the English came to Australia to defend the Ashes. And at the First Test in Brisbane, Australia absolutely smashed them, scoring over 600 and winning by a mile.

England had put their hopes on a new fast bowling sensation, but he had gone for 1 for 160 in Australia’s innings and the Australians were not very worried. It seemed that the Ashes were coming home to Australia for sure. Then this happened, and this happened and this happened, and Australia was very annoyed indeed because the English had beaten them three Tests in a row for the first time in 25 years.

So the lesson is, boys and girls, is that it’s not over till its over. And if England were to bounce back and thrash Australia in this series, it would be no more then history repeating itself. Especially if Steve Harmison were to be the agent of Australia’s undoing.

Under a month to go. It’s like waiting for Christmas

This is ridiculous. I honestly feel as though I’m five-years-old waiting for Christmas again. What is it about the Ashes which stirs so much in us? It’s epic, huge, massive – the biggest series for Englishmen and Australians. Why the heck does it mean so much? Bloody hell – under a month to go! Incidentally (and I desperately need to think of a new word for, erm, that word), one month before the last Ashes, this happened. Wooooo.

I received a cautious ticking off (?) from the girl who will be known here only as L, who I think I might have spoken of before in a roundabout way. She found the blog and a comment I’d made. She’s not very into cricket – but she is trying, which is mighty fine of her! Her Dad recently reminded her that this Ashes thing was beginning again in a month’s time…so how, dear readers, can we convince her the forthcoming clash is so big, so massive and so important?

The non-believers must be persuaded.

Incidentally, are there any cricket fans (specifically from England/Australia) who care not-a-jot for t’Ashes? I can’t imagine there will be…

And incidentally again, I’ll go a little bit mental if I receive any “you’re neglecting other aspects of cricket on your blog” emails during the Ashes. Get with it! I’m English!

Christmas limericks

We haven’t had a limerick for a while – what better time to do one than now! See the rules/tips here. Your starter for ten is the following: It’s Christmas two-thousand-and-five.

Try the 2006 limerick

Happy Christmas (or whatever you want to call it)

Happy Christmas to those who celebrate or indulge in its drink-fuelled, food-ravaged, present-opening goodness. And the same to those who don’t! Been a bit busy with ‘flu and Christmas stuff, and a couple of other projects – one of which will be revealed in the New Year – so I’ll be catching up with things later today/tomorrow or Boxing Day.

2005 – the year England won the Ashes. Have some of that.

Back in the land of the blogging

Hello all, I’m back in the land of the blogging. Well, I would be if I didn’t have ‘flu (yes, Martin, it’s now definately ‘flu!). BT have kindly given us broadband in Devon – we’re one of the few in the village to have been granted it, which is as odd as it is depressing; bloody London/Berkshire types craving their instant always-on internet connections. In other words, us!

Anyway. I’ve a turkey to buy, Christmas shopping to start (literally) but will blog like a bafoon a bit later; thoughts on Pakistan, thoughts on England and my usual repetoire of rambling opinions about the game.

Wot shd i get my girlfreinds 4 xmas?

I hope you’re impressed with my title: Wot shuld i get my girlfreinds 4 xmas? That’s my attempt at the language of the new world. If you’re gagging for more – and by that, I meant the language (innit), you dirty, filthy-minded individual – try and decipher the Kevin Pietersen Post. And yes, I’ve capitalised Post for this reason alone: over 1200 comments have been left by his “fans,” whose admirable delusions of hope hold no boundaries. Or fours. Or even sixes. And apologies for that last pun.

Anyway, the reason for this post – the last for a while I should imagine – is that someone arrived to this blog by searching the following phrase in Google: “brilliant christmas presents for girlfreinds

Quite aside from the fact they arrived, rather disappointingly for them, at a cricket blog – not to mention the misspooooling – I find it equally hilarious that anyone should be looking for “brilliant” xmas presents for their “girlfreinds” on the internet…

T’ra for now.