I’m an umpire, get me out of here. What next for Darrell?

Inzy you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are tampering
Ill be here til the media stop hampering
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?

My rubbish attempt at some lyrics there, courtesy of The Clash. So, if Darrell Hair does resign (and even if he doesn’t, frankly), what are his future career prospects? Nothing too rude please ladies and gents, and ideally not libellous either, but anything funny is good. Funny’s always good.

Maybe he’ll do a Tufnell and frolic in the jungle. Or a Darren Gou….er, maybe not. Strictly Come Darrell (but only if you pay me $500,000) doesn’t quite have the same ring. Personally, I think he’s ideally situated to copy Graham Gooch and Shane Warne…a marketer’s dream.

Vaughan’s career is over

Since Vaughan last played a Test both Alastair Cook and Paul Collingwood have scored Test match centuries: by the time next summer comes round, who knows, they might have four apiece. Any player, Vaughan included, can become yesterday’s man very quickly, left behind in the wake of the next generation. He could be trying to get fit only to be discarded.


His knee, in other words, is shot, its condition chronic. In which case this is no longer about getting Vaughan fit for cricket. It is about trying to make sure that by the time he enters middle age he is not doing so on a stick.

Mike Selvey in today’s Guardian.

Tomorrow’s one-dayer

England take on Sri Lanka tomorrow in the first of five one-dayers. In doing some little research for the series preview, I worked out (bollocks I did, sorry, I’m lying – Robin did. Thanks Robin. But he knew it off the top of his head, as well I assumed he might) England have a minimum of 19 matches until the World Cup. Oh dear.

Glen Chapple (32) is injured; so is Michael Vaughan, Andrew Flintoff, Simon Jones, Ed Joyce and probably more that I’ve forgotten. So the significance of this series, and tomorrow’s match, should not be underestimated for both sides. Every one-day match henceforth is a potential “sighter” for next year’s World Cup. And for all Andrew Strauss’ remarkable confidence in the quotes that came out today, even he would admit that England are in dire one-day form.

I’m making my debut too, tomorrow; it’s my first international for Cricinfo, a little under 12 months since I joined. Couple of friends (bonjour, C&N) who I met with the other night asked “Did you ever imagine you’d be doing this?” I don’t think I ever did seriously contemplate it, although aged twelve we did a roleplay exercise during a French lesson where we had to pretend we were speaking to the TV camera as “something”. One bloke was a horseracing commentator (even at that age, his knowledge of the horses was phenomenal; he’s now either stinking rich or bankrupt, I imagine), another at Twickenham, Wembley, Wimbledon and so on. I was at Lord’s! And I distinctly remember thinking “well yeah – it’d be nice, but it’s so not possible.”

My ambitions of becoming a doctor were also dealt a blow aged 13 when I nearly blew the school up. Chemistry and Physics weren’t my strong point, although I enjoyed disecting a pig’s eye and liver in biology. Sadly that’s not a requirement, or even a benefit, to become a quack over here.

Anyway. Enough ramblings. I’ll post thoughts of Saturday’s game on Sunday, and there will be a post up tomorrow for you to leave your comments etc. Until then, then.