If…with Mike Atherton

Has anyone else listened and watched Sky’s advertisement for their all-consuming coverage this summer? It’s fronted (for want of a better word, as it’s a voice over) by Mike Atherton. Now then. Athers is many things, but a voice-over artiste he is not. He sounds about as enthused as a prisoner who’s just been told that, yes, today he is allowed one hour of sunlight as opposed to the usual 45 minutes.

Athers recites Rudyard Kipling’s If and it’s as sickly and inappropriate as it sounds. (not Athers’ fault of course, but Sky’s ferocious marketers)

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

Incidentally I came across some viewing figures on the Beeb yesterday which make make interesting reading. I put them on CI…will dig them out later.

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