Lords, not Lord’s

It’s widely accepted the members of the House of Lords are nuttier than a bar of Chocco Nutto with added nuts for extra nuttiness. What, then, do you make of Lord Selsdon’s opening speech on Monday?

My Lords, it is extraordinarily exciting to be playing cricket with the great, the good and the gallant, particularly when I have a feeling that my role in general is as the bad and the ugly, and that I may probably be defined as being part of the “axis of evil”. I have already disclosed in the past my involvement in the Middle East, over now since 1974, usually in places where the Foreign Office felt it was not acceptable for a gentleman to go, such as Iran, Iraq, Libya and all the more difficult parts of the world. But I enjoyed it. I learnt an enormous amount, and I would prefer to tell noble Lords some of the stories I was told.

He begins well, luring us into a cricket tale before – oh hang on, it’s nothing to do with cricket. Err, axis of evil? Middle East? What was that mentioning of cricket for then?

Confused, but ridiculously excited, of London. Oh, maybe it was a bizarre metaphor…in which case, wouldn’t tennis have been better? Oh whatever.