Ah, the umpire. A bastion of respect and authority, standing static at the top end of the pitch. We curse their decisions and mock them when they do an irish jig to avoid a bludgeoned four, but they remain the game’s “final word”. Without them, carnage would ensue. Which got me thinking…
Who would be the most inappropriate umpire? My top ones so far are Basil Fawlty, Baldrick from Blackadder and the dodgy geezer from the Fast Show (“I’m a little bit wehhhh, little bit woooaaah. I’ll nick anyfink, me”).
Of equal hilarity and shitness would be various political leaders past and present: Hitler (although he’d clearly enjoy giving batsmen out, with that salute of his), Stalin (twat), Churchill (drunk and disorderly) and Blair (clown, egocentric, wouldn’t enjoy lack of spotlight).
Oh God, Blair really would cock it up spectacularly.