C’est magnifique, mais ce n’est pas la guerre

That was a French General reacting to the Charge of the Light Brigade in 1854. It is also my reaction to the First Test, where India, as I write, are 0 for 403, and they’ve just gone off for bad light. Sehwag is 247, and Dravid is 128. This is in response to Pakistan’s 679 for 7 declared, a total that could have been far larger had Pakistan put their minds to it.

So by my creaky mathematics, we’ve had 1,083 runs and 7 wickets.

Great. But to me, this is almost as much nonsense as that Twenty-20 rubbish. Sorry to be an incurable snob, but to me, cricket is a contest between bat and ball, not a batathon. If there is any justice in this world the curator should be impaled with a pristine cricket stump, and I am sure Shoaib, Danish Kaneria, and indeed Harbhajan Singh and Irfan Pathan would endorse my sentiments.

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